If computers are getting you down, have a little read of this lot submitted by my Grandad. If you have any to add, just send 'em in :-)

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?Thespacebarisbroken!

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows.

Crashing is the only thing windows does quickly.

Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?

Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.

Error: 015: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.

Every time I type 'win', I lose

Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast.

If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.

I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!

It works! Now if only I could remember what I did...

Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...

Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.

There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple

Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.

Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?

WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data on Whole System.

Hope you liked 'em!